If the Kirby man comes a knockin', tell him to keep on walkin'

Thursday afternoon around 2:45 our doorbell rang. This caused Brady to start barking up a storm which in turn woke Jake up from his nap early. We all know that waking a little one up early from his nap is one of the worst things in the world. Needless to say, I was already in a foul mood at the person behind door number one.

Mike answered the door while I ran upstairs to calm the raging beast. When I came back downstairs Mike informed me that the woman at the door was from a carpet cleaning service and they were coming back in twenty minutes to clean one room of our house for free to drum up future business for their company. I couldn't really be mad because our carpet always needs to be cleaned and who can turn down free? I was a little frustrated though because Jake and I had a play date at 3:30 that I didn't want to be late for.

The next thing we know we have three people standing at our front door introducing themselves. They all walked into the house, shook hands and pet the dog. Then two of them left and one of them stayed to clean the carpet. His name was TK which annoyed me on many levels. I mean what kind of a name is TK? What does that stand for? Total kookoo-head? Totally krazy? I just don't trust anyone named TK. I need a good honest name like John or Jack or Jake. Not TK.

Anyway, as soon as were alone with TK he pulled in the real reason he was at our house. He had brought along with him a Kirby vacuum cleaner. So, he really wasn't there to drum up business for his carpet cleaning service. He was there to sell us a Kirby vacuum cleaner. Even though he knew that Mike needed to leave for work at 3:30 he spent the next twenty minutes quizzing us on our vacuum knowledge and telling lame joke after lame joke. I seriously thought we had been sucked into some kind of really bad Las Vegas comedy act. The one thing he didn't do in those twenty minutes was clean our carpet.

When he finally got around to the cleaning part, guess what he did? He made me pull out our Dyson vacuum and then I had the pleasure of vacuuming the same three foot area of carpet over and over again while TK counted to thirty. THEN, he asked Mike to do the same thing because he's an equal opportunity torturer. All the while he is counting to thirty in the loudest, most obnoxious game show host voice I have EVER heard. When Mike was finished vacuuming, TK said he would never ask us to do something he wouldn't do himself. So, he proceeded to vacuum the same area of carpet while counting to thirty proving once again that vacuum salesmen can indeed count to thirty. He even clapped for himself when he was done. I swear to God.

Of course all of this was to show us how crappy our vacuum cleaner is in comparison to the Kirby. He then took the Kirby and vacuumed that same area of carpet and pulled up lots of dirt. I felt so ashamed. Here I thought we had a quality vacuum cleaner. By now, it was 3:30 and Mike hadn't even gotten changed for work which meant he was going to be late. He told TK this but he could have cared less. He kept quizzing Mike on dirt, pet hair and vacuum suction. Finally I distracted TK by showing him a wad of dog fur on the carpet so Mike could run upstairs and change.

By this time I was so annoyed I decided to take matters into my own hands. I looked at TK and said "I really don't want to waste anymore of your time. We can't afford to buy a Kirby vacuum cleaner and we are satisfied with our Dyson. And I have to leave for my son's play date now." To which TK replied, "Kim, don't you want to be able to get your carpet 100% clean?" So I said, "sure, but we still can't afford your vacuum cleaner." And he said "Kim, for just a dollar a day you can own this machine and get your carpets 100% clean." To which I said, "TK, we would be paying a dollar a day for the next ten years in order to buy that Kirby." And then he said,"Kim, isn't it worth it to have 100% clean carpet?" To which I said "TK, I'm going to have to ask you leave now." I have never gotten to say that to anyone! I felt so liberated! Only he completely ignored me. He just kept saying "but Kim for just a dollar a day, clean carpet, CLEAN!"

I told Mike goodbye, grabbed Jake and left the house. Mike told me later that poor TK looked really dejected leaving the house. I'm sorry, but he was there for over thirty minutes and still didn't manage to get the carpet clean. Maybe if he had focused more on cleaning and less on his one man comedy show there would be a nice, shiny, new Kirby sitting in our living room. Maybe, but I doubt it.