A day in the life

Today was my first day at home all day by myself with two kids. This is exhausting. Let me give you the play by play.

5:30am-Emma starts making noises. Get up, shove binky in her mouth, pat her bottom until she falls asleep and then go back to bed.

6:00am-Emma makes louder noises to let me know she is fully awake and will not fall for the old binky, bottom pat move again. Get up and nurse the baby.

6:30am-Put sleeping baby back in her bed and crawl into my own bed again where I share my pillow with the cat. It is our only bonding time these days. Pet kitty until she bites me.

7:00am-Jake starts crying in his room and calling for mommy. Who is this person and why won't she go to him? Oh yeah, that person is me. Get up, go ask Jake what's wrong and have him tell me "AWAKE! JAKE AWAKE! CHOCOLATE MILK!"

7:02am-Emma starts crying (some might say shrieking). Take Jake to get Emma out of bed and head downstairs for some CHOCOLATE MILK! and a little Elmo to get the day started.

7:03am-Emma continues crying while I make Jake his chocolate milk, get him some cereal and position him on the couch for an hour of quality Sesame Street viewing.

7:10am-Emma still crying. Change her diaper, change her clothes, sit down to feed her.

7:40am-Emma falls asleep. For exactly two minutes.

7:42am-Emma crying again. Give her a bottle, rock her, bounce her up and down. Try putting her in her bouncy seat. What is wrong with this child? She usually sleeps four hours at a time and wakes up for one hour.

9:15am-Emma is asleep! Look over at Jake and remember I promised to change his poopy diaper an hour ago. Change diaper.

9:30am-Decide Emma is asleep for a long nap. Take Jake with me to the bathroom and grab a quick shower. Leave Brady guarding Emma and make sure all doors are deadbolted shut.

9:40am-Out of shower and clothed for the day!

9:45am-Quality time with Jake. We color and play with his play-doh.

10:45am-Send Jake outside to play with Brady while I start to make his lunch.

11:15am-Fruit cut up and chicken nuggets in the oven. Emma's crying. What is wrong with this child? It's only been two hours. Pick up Emma and sit down to feed her yet again.

11:30am-Emma's asleep. Chicken nuggets are cooked and Jake is sitting down to lunch. Emma's crying. Pick her up and rock her back to sleep. Mike will be home in three hours. I can do this!

12:00pm-Jake is finished with lunch. Clean him up and scarf down a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich and a coke. Followed by two chocolate chip cookies. I need caffeine and chocolate and I need them now! Realize that Coke is the stay at home mom's crack. I can't do without it and I don't care how much it costs. I'll sell my own plasma if I need to in order to buy it.

12:15pm-Sit down with Jake on the couch to watch a video and sneak in some cuddle time. Take 45 seconds to rub the dog with my foot so he gets some attention today.

12:45pm-Inform Jake that it is indeed nap time. Go upstairs with his crab and favorite cars to tuck him in. Read three books and then finally get him in bed.
Tell Jake that if he gets out of bed today there will be serious consequences. Kiss him and leave the room.

12:55pm-Hear Jake's door open. Shout to him to get back in bed. Hear him say "NO! Don't want to!" And so ensues an hour long battle of the wills to get the child to take his nap. One and a half hours until Mike gets home. I don't know if I can do this. Try bribery, threats, taking away toys, sweet talking, massage therapy and anything else I can think of to get him to stay in bed.

1:55pm-Finally tell him that he's going to be in big trouble when daddy gets home if he's not asleep. So far, it seems this is working. He's been in his room for ten minutes now without a peep.

2:00pm-Look down and realize the front of my shirt is really wet. It seems that the ranting and raving of the two year old can make me spring a milk leak just like the cries of the baby. Great.

2:15pm-Emma's awake. Where the heck is Mike?