Sometimes in the midst of being a mostly stay at home mommy I start feeling like there is something else I need to be doing. I have to remind myself that I wanted to be a wife and mommy for at least ten years before it ever happened and I should be content with my current situation. Still, there are days when I wonder if I'm doing what God has called me to do in this life.
The only time in life I've ever been sure I was living my calling was working for the Ocean Institute in California. Being on the water almost every day was where I was supposed to be. It made me happy. My kids make me happy too. But they also frustrate me. Dolphins only frustrated me when they refused to appear for a whale watching cruise. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes I think "is this all there is now? Changing diapers, cleaning peanut butter off of everything, chasing munchkins around all day?" I used to be fairly creative. Now my creativity is channeled into things like figuring out how to get Jake to eat rice when God has told him he doesn't have to.
There are a few goals I have set for my life. Numbers one and two I can check off. They were having a job "doing" marine biology in some way, shape or form and being a mommy. Number three is the writing (and publishing) of a book. Number four is going in a submersible to the bottom of the ocean. I decided to concentrate on number three for now. The other night I was reading Jake a bedtime story. When it was over he wanted another one. So I told him I would tell him a story instead. And I made up a story about a popcorn tree and a boy named Simon.
The next day I actually sat down and wrote out a little rough draft. I got about halfway through before somebody woke up from their nap. I thought it was a pretty good idea. Before finishing the story, I decided to do a google search to see if there is already a book about an imaginary popcorn tree out there. Guess what? There is. It's called Amelia and the Popcorn Tree. I didn't get to read the entire book but the summary sounded vaguely familiar. I swear I've never even heard of this book before! What are the odds? Back to the old drawing board I guess. Although I'm really curious to see what happens to my Simon and his popcorn tree.
well, i sure know how you feel. i remember thinking, "i have a master's degree so that i can wipe noses and asses all day?" i felt like a crazy person most of the time. one moment i loved being a mom, the next i resented it. "what about me?" seemed to be a common theme running through my head.
ReplyDeletean older, more experienced mom passed on this wise advice to me. she said that life has its seasons and we adjust accordingly. she was a creative and her list of things to do was enormous. so she chose which one she could really concentrate on that coincided well with the kid's ages. that made sense to me. while my kids were under 2, i packed away my paints. i concentrated on writing. now that they are older and can understand, i have discussed the dangers of white spirits and turpentine. i can paint safely again. not well but safely!
the important thing for me was still having an outlet, doing something that made me happy. cause let's face it, our kids are happier when we are happy. and knowing that i wasn't stopping a hobby for a lifetime really helped. i knew it was just a season i was in.
anyway. long advice. i just want to encourage you. write children's books! it is a good season to do that. one day you may make it back to the ocean, in another season of life.
now i am singing "for every season...turn...turn..turn..."
hey girl, thanks! i needed to hear that.
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