Jalapeno's, naughty bits and DNA

1.) Tonight I found out what it feels like when jalapeno juice squirts in your eye. The words hellfire and brimstone come to mind. Also, torturous and someone please gauge out my eyes. On a brighter note, the Chuy's creamy jalapeno ranch dip I made is delicious. Turns out I can still taste even without my eyesight.

2.) The other day I found myself in the rather uncomfortable situation of naming the parts of our body that pee comes out of for Jake. And how the parts are different in girls and boys. Every ounce of my being wanted to give him cutsie names like "pee pee" and "hoo hoo" or even "peanut" in honor of Amy's cute Jack. But I put on my big girl panties (that's right I said it!) and I told him penis and vagina. ICK. Then I thought I might as well go get Emma Mae and make her watch a video about getting your period to see if she had any questions. But then I squirted jalapeno juice in my eye and decided to hold off for twenty more years.

3.) Is anyone still reading? If so, I finally scored a Hot Wheels Wall track set for Jake at Target the other day. This toy is the crack of Christmas 2011. I guess everyone wants one because the stores have been sold out since just before Thanksgiving. I left our hotel room in Kansas City at 12:45am on Black Friday to go across the street to Kohl's to pick one up because I saw they were going to have them on sale. They had four left when I got there. I got mine and wandered the store for the next ten minutes looking for the end of the line. It was insane. I waited in line for about 15 minutes and then I started sweating profusely. Next, my stomach started cramping up and I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn't even carry the toy anymore because I had no strength in my limbs. I debated for about five minutes about whether or not I could continue to sacrifice my body for a Hot Wheels set. In the end, I set my toy down and walked out into the cold night air in shame and humiliation. I just don't have what it takes for Black Friday shopping. It is clearly an event that proves the theory of survival of the fittest. In a world of malls and over crowded stores my DNA failed me. Which is why my DNA decided to finish my Christmas shopping online. Evolution, look at me now!