10PM-Got in bed. Enlisted the help of sweet hubby to help turn me on my side and get the belly settled because you know you have to sleep on your side even if you're used to being a back sleeper. It's now clear to me why beached whales simply can't hoist themselves back into the ocean on their own power.
11:30PM-Entire left side is numb or asleep. Flopped onto my back, took a few deep breaths and pushed myself to the right side. Rearranged pillow I have to sleep with in between my legs.
1:25AM-Wake up disoriented because I could have sworn I had gotten up to go to the bathroom. Nope. Just peed the bed is all. Left wet pillow in bed, rolled off the mattress, headed downstairs.
1:26AM-Greeted at the foot of the stairs by the dog for he is a good and faithful servant.
1:27AM-Realize something warm is pouring out of my nose. Go to bathroom to implement triage skills learned by watching ER for 19 seasons. Apply direct pressure!
1:35AM-Successfully stop bleeding. Go to living room couch.
1:40AM-Watch the E channel. Become disillusioned at the status celebrities have in our country. These are our role models? These people are all lost. Swear to never look at another People magazine ever again.
2:00AM-Watch last week's episode of The Office. Thank God for making Steve Carell and every single one of his cast members. Especially Jim.
2:20AM-Watch latest episode of The Daily Show. Thank God for making Jon Stewart as well. Listen to dog snoring wildly at the foot of the couch. He is a traitor. Pet the cat in my lap and tell her she is the favorite because she stays up with me at night.
2:45AM-Grab a glass of chocolate milk and thank God for chocolate. Try to avoid cat weaving in and out of my legs in the kitchen clearly trying to kill me.
3:00AM-Go to bathroom again and then crawl on couch to go to sleep.
5:30AM-Awakened by hubby coming downstairs to leave for work. Slowly make my way back upstairs and fling myself in bed again.
7:00AM-Entire right side feels paralyzed from sleeping on it. Decide to get up and have some quality alone time before Jake wakes up.
7:05AM-End of quality alone time as Jake is now in his bed saying "WANT OUT!" "AWAKE!"
In my defense, I tried to be as quite and as I could!
ReplyDeleteOh, sweet Kim, I'm so sorry and I feel your pain. This too shall pass. If it makes you feel any better, I vomited profusely shile simultaneously wetting my pants in front of Leo and my baby's daddy this morning... We're quite a pair.
ReplyDeleteOh I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteDoes not sound fun, yet the way you write amuses me.
You're almost done, you can do it.