Can I just say "oooh"

Okay, I'm about to reveal one of my greatest fears and the thing that gives me the biggest heeby-jeebies. Spiders. I read an article last night about this huge spider web that covers almost 200 yards. Scientists are scurrying around trying to identify the spiders that created it and figure out why they would make something this big. So, I thought, gross, I bet that's in a rainforest in South America or something. Nope. It's in North Texas. Around the Dallas area. Which isn't that far from my area.

Now, I'm wondering if it couldn't be one great big huge spider that made that web. And it's keeping my up at night. Because a great big huge spider like that could easily travel the distance between Dallas and where we live to come and get me. Because I'm certain they smell fear. And I fear them. I always have.

There are two very vivid memories I have from childhood and they both involve spiders. Hence, the fear. The first is walking into my closet when I was about five years old and looking up to see a very bright orange rather large spider sitting there looking at me. It scared the pants off me. Because spiders don't announce their presence like other animals. You know, flies buzz, mosquitoes make that awful whining noise, dogs bark etc. Spiders just hide and lurk. And they let you get really close to them before they move. It's just creepy. The other memory is of me when I was probably seven or eight eating a bowl of cornflakes one morning. When I was almost finished with the bowl, I came across a drowned black spider at the bottom. He was missing some legs. And I just knew I could feel two or three hairy little black legs stuck in my throat at that moment. So, for many years after those two experiences I took to standing completely still and screaming my head off every time I saw a spider. And I didn't eat cornflakes for at least ten years after that.

You have to realize that in Texas everything is bigger. That goes for spiders. We had the biggest, hairiest, ugliest brown spiders in our house. And they matched the carpet perfectly. And being that they smell fear they always chose to hang out in my room. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the pile of clothes that was always laying around. I can't tell you how many times someone in my family had to come running into my room to see what I was screaming about only to find out that they were going to have to kill a spider. Because back then I showed no mercy. I wanted them dead and I wanted them flushed down the toilet. And I wanted someone else to do it.

Once I moved to California I decided to face my fear because I knew that was the only way to get over it. So, I started capturing spiders indoors and releasing them to the wild to live where God intended. Also, the spiders you find in Cali. aren't nearly as terrifying as Texas spiders. In fact, I actually came to like Daddy Longlegs and learned to co-exist peacefully with them in my apartment. After all, spiders are people too.

However, coming back to Texas has caused a major set back for me. Because we have these little jumping spiders in the house that literally stand up on their back four legs and wiggle their pincers at you when they see you. And that's just rude. Also, now that I know of the giant spider web only a few hundred miles away, I'm worried that the monster spiders from Harry Potter or Stephen King's book IT really might exist. And that is just unacceptable ya'll.