Friday, May 31, 2013

Girl Time

This morning Mike went to spend the day at Jake's school as part of their Watch Dog program. They were both very excited. Since the boys were both going to be gone all day I decided to plan a girly day for me and Em. So off we went to the mall. I needed to find a swimsuit top to match the hot pink boy shorts I found on sale a few weeks ago.

Swim suit shopping is torture on a good day for me. The lighting in the dressing rooms is awful. You see things you didn't realize were actually on your body under those lights. Like the giant blue vein that has taken up residence on the back of my knee.

I promised Emma Mae that if she acted nicely in the store and didn't run around like a crazy person we would stop at the cookie place on our way out for an m&m cookie. She couldn't have been happier. She was actually pretty good in the store once I told her that I needed her help finding the perfect swimsuit. She started picking out things for me that left me questioning her taste. Like the floral number she brought me that was about ten sizes too big. Mama doesn't do floral. So then she went to the other extreme and brought me a hot pink bikini with fringe on top. Let me tell you, nobody needs to see me in that.

I finally found three tops I wanted to try on. We headed for the dressing rooms. I disrobed and pulled out my hot pink boy shorts to try on with the tops. That's when Em decided to laugh hysterically and say at the top of her lungs "I see your booty mommy!" So I said, "yes emma." And she said "I see your tee tee spot mommy! and it has hair on it!" Look I know it's horrible to read this. Imagine living it in a dressing room with at least one other lady right next to you. So I said "emma! be quiet!" So she said "mama! you look kind of flat." And somewhat hopefully I said "really? does my tummy look flat?!" And she said "no mama, I said fat not flat. Fat! You look kind of fat with no clothes on!" Great. As if I wasn't already having self esteem issues what with the swimsuit trying on, massive blue vein and poor lighting and all. So then I put my clothes back on in shame and hurried out to purchase two swimsuit tops I'm not even sure I liked.

I still took little miss to get her cookie afterward because I don't think she was being intentionally malevolent. And she made it all up to me on the ride home by singing "Old McDonald had to fart" at the top of her lungs. I was just sad that the lady in the adjacent dressing room in Dillard's wasn't there to hear it.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Four. More. Days.

I had every intention of writing a humorous blog post today about the end of the school year and how as far as I'm concerned it cannot get here too soon. But then Amy shared this great post by Jen Hatmaker that explains it so much better than I could. And I am so glad I am not alone here. There are so many things she wrote about that I agree with.

I would feel really bad if I was the only mama alive who gave up on homework about two months ago. Technically, I gave up on homework about the third week that Jake brought home the dreaded night writing journal. I mean sixty minutes of sitting at the kitchen table with my child while he struggles to write "I love my crabe" is sixty minutes of life that will never be returned to me. It wasn't helping that I kept envisioning myself ripping the pencil out of his little hand so I could scribble the words on his paper and be done with it already. Instead, I came up with my own coping mechanism called the nightly half glass of wine. Not good.

Thankfully, the Kindergarten teachers had sense enough to stop sending home homework of any kind about three weeks ago. I think they know that not only are the kids done with school, but the mamas are also done with school at this point. We had reached the point in the night journal writing where  I may have told Jake not to bother drawing the three pictures he was supposed to use to illustrate his writing. I may or may not have seen his teachers note on one particular entry that said "don't forget about your pictures!" with a smiley face beside it.  Listen. I know this note was for me. Because I don't think Jake can read "don't forget about your pictures" yet. Although he is very good with reading things like "the baby is strong." Riveting. Besides, how many authors do you know who illustrate their own books? One. Eric Carle. That is it. And Jake is no Eric Carle.

I am so glad I am not the only mama who went from sending fully balanced nutritionally packed homemade lunches for my child to eat every day at the beginning of the year to just telling him to go through the cafeteria line again. Then last night I finally looked at his cafeteria account and realized the reason his money doesn't seem to be lasting long enough is because he is buying lots of .50 cent cookies and .75 cent CapriSun's and 1.00 cookies and ice cream that I didn't know about. Who knew the kid liked sherbet so much?

Last week when my parents were here I planned a trip for us to all go to a local farm to pick strawberries. I was totally going to take Jake out of school for the day even though my dad gave me a funny look about that. Who cares that he has already missed eleven days of school this year due to illness? One more day won't hurt him. At least he would be learning how to pick fruit instead of watching another movie or eating another popsicle or taking another extra recess. He would have an actual trade to fall back on someday if he learned how to pick strawberries. Sadly, my dad got sick and we cancelled the trip so I shipped Jake off to another day of school.

Today was the third Pajama day of this school year. The kids got to take books and flashlights to school so the teachers could turn out the lights while they read by themselves. Genius! Who doesn't think at least one teacher had to take a nap during this time? And trust me, I don't mind! I don't care. Do what you gotta do to make it through the last days. It is unreal, unfair and un-American that kids and teachers alike have to go to school at all after Memorial Day.

As for the class gift. I am sorry fellow parents that I have been bombarding you with emails to try to get you to donate some amount of money to buy our beloved teacher an end of the year gift. Your unresponsiveness was overwhelming. I have a child who comes home and tells me the things that your child has done in class that day. Trust me. You need to dig deep and show our teacher some love. The fact that I tried to arrange everything for you so you wouldn't have to do a darn thing but give me some money is unforgiveable. Go ahead and get your own gift.  And then write me three sentences about what you got her including an illustration.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Short of the glory of God

As a parent I believe one of my most important jobs is to teach our kids about God. It's not enough to tote them back and forth to church but we need to have actual conversations about Him and they need to see that their mama and daddy love God. So tonight I brought out the Bible at dinner time. What better way to teach and instill Godly principles than by reading the good book? The writer of one of the blogs I love suggested doing this and I thought it was a great idea. But like all of my ideas it took me forever to remember to do it. Better late than never.

So as the children were eating their spaghetti I told them we were going to start doing something different at dinner each night. They were so excited! So I brought out my Bible and quizzed them to see if they even knew what book it was. They passed. Then I turned to Philippians and told them I was going to read a little of that chapter to them because it is one of my favorites. And Jake said, "what about Jonas and the whale? can you read that one? I know that one is for real." And I said, "well it was actually Jonah, not Jonas and everything in the Bible is real." But tonight we are going to read Philippians. And they were like "okay."

So I began to read. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. Rejoice!" And Jake interrupts me with "mama! I know one! listen mama!" And I'm like "what Jake?" And he says, "For all have sinned and fall off of the glory of God!" And I said "great job! You missed a couple words though. It's for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." And he's like "yeah, for all have sinned and fall off of the glory of God." Then he goes "that means everybody mama! everyone in the whole world sins! even the Spanish speaking ones!" And I was like "yes baby, even Latin Americans are not perfect. Because isn't that what that verse is all about?" And he was all "I don't know."

So then I started reading again. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. Rejoice! Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." And I said "see guys, we don't need to worry about anything but instead we need to ask God for everything." And Emma Mae said "mama! I need to pray. I need to pray now." And I was all "okay sweet baby Emma. You have been so moved by this Bible reading that you need to speak with Jesus right now. That is wonderful. Go ahead baby."

So she prayed. "Dear Jesus, I don't want to go to heaven. Please come down here and live with me in my house and play with my toys. Because me and my toys do not want to go up to heaven. Amen." And then she just looked at me beaming because now she just knew she wouldn't have to go to heaven since she asked God and all. And Jake looked at me and said, "um, mama? that is NOT going to happen."

And I realized that our first family dinner Bible reading may have been a complete failure. But I'm gonna go ahead and rejoice. Always.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Pool Days

Our neighborhood swimming pool opened up early this year. Like, beginning of April early. At first I thought that would be a good thing but then I realized that it is not. The kids want to go swimming every day and the water is freezing cold. I won't even get in right now. So they have to stay in the shallow water where I won't have to get in to perform any rescues. They still love it. They love it until their lips turn blue.

Little girl has some swim style. Not many people can pull off the whole swimsuit with my cowgirl boots on thing.

This is a cool dude. I think his skin is glistening from sunscreen. I promise we didn't oil him up for this picture or anything weird like that. Now I need to endure the humiliation of swimsuit shopping so I can actually get in the water with them as soon as it warms up a little bit!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I'm so proud of my nephew Tom. He recently fulfilled all of the requirements to become an Eagle Scout. Not many people can say they belong to that club. His parents had a ceremony for him a couple weeks ago. Mike was supposed to be there to participate because he is also an Eagle Scout and they needed another one in attendance. Unfortunately, Mike got sick (very sick) the night before and couldn't make it. But my sister found a replacement at the last minute. I'm sure that wasn't stressful at all!

I didn't get any great pictures. But here is one of my sister helping him with some sort of Eagle attire. At the end of the ceremony, Tom stood up before a room full of people and spoke so eloquently about what everyone meant to him and how every one in that room had helped him in some way during his life. I just wanted to cry. When did he get so grown up? I know he's graduating from high school this year and all but still! How can that cute little boy I remember be giving speeches and earning high honors like it's nothing? Crazy. I just can't wait to see what his future has in store for him. Or rather what he has in store for us in the future!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Spring Jamboree

We took the kids to Jake's school Spring Jamboree a couple of weeks ago. They had so much fun. They both loved the train ride. But Jake's favorite part of the night was the dunking booth. He couldn't wait to dunk Mrs. Ware. He succeeded. Twice. He was not a very good sport about it either. I recall some dancing around while screaming "I got her! I got her!" That's ok. She got him back with her water gun later...

I honestly don't remember where this picture of my children on a giant twister game came from. I have no recollection of that at all!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

My Shameless Plug

Last night I started my new job. And it was so much fun! If you know me at all you know I am always thinking about new ways to make a little money. Without actually going out to get a full time job. So recently, after talking to one of the ladies at my part time job, I decided to join Stella & Dot as a "personal stylist." I think that's a hilarious term for someone who is doing good to put on mascara and brush my hair before it goes up into a ponytail every day!

Anyway, Stella & Dot offers a very cute line of jewelry, hand bags and scarves. And now I get to show them to people and sell them. Last night I had my official "launch party." I invited everyone I could think of to invite and ten of my friends and neighbors showed up. That is actually a pretty good number. Mike helped me clean the house all day and then I baked up a storm. My theme was "desserts and drinks" because I like alliteration and I figured if people had some chocolate and wine while looking at my inventory they might actually be happy to buy stuff.

I was really nervous because I knew I had to "give a group hello" which seemed scary. I don't remember what I said (although I know I managed to work something about Rick Springfield in there) but everyone was nice and I think everyone had a good time. Much of the evening remains a blur because I think I was having minor panic attacks the whole time. Or premature menopause. I felt like I was getting hot flashes the whole time and had to keep turning down the AC. Thanks to my sweet friend Barbara from work who got me started doing this I made it through my first official trunk show. I'm excited to see where I can go from here.

Time for the shameless plug. Are you ready? If you live out of town or couldn't make it to the launch party you can still support me as I get started with this business. Just go to  and shop online. You have until May 24th for the orders to credit my show. That wasn't so bad, was it?