This morning Mike went to spend the day at Jake's school as part of their Watch Dog program. They were both very excited. Since the boys were both going to be gone all day I decided to plan a girly day for me and Em. So off we went to the mall. I needed to find a swimsuit top to match the hot pink boy shorts I found on sale a few weeks ago.
Swim suit shopping is torture on a good day for me. The lighting in the dressing rooms is awful. You see things you didn't realize were actually on your body under those lights. Like the giant blue vein that has taken up residence on the back of my knee.
I promised Emma Mae that if she acted nicely in the store and didn't run around like a crazy person we would stop at the cookie place on our way out for an m&m cookie. She couldn't have been happier. She was actually pretty good in the store once I told her that I needed her help finding the perfect swimsuit. She started picking out things for me that left me questioning her taste. Like the floral number she brought me that was about ten sizes too big. Mama doesn't do floral. So then she went to the other extreme and brought me a hot pink bikini with fringe on top. Let me tell you, nobody needs to see me in that.
I finally found three tops I wanted to try on. We headed for the dressing rooms. I disrobed and pulled out my hot pink boy shorts to try on with the tops. That's when Em decided to laugh hysterically and say at the top of her lungs "I see your booty mommy!" So I said, "yes emma." And she said "I see your tee tee spot mommy! and it has hair on it!" Look I know it's horrible to read this. Imagine living it in a dressing room with at least one other lady right next to you. So I said "emma! be quiet!" So she said "mama! you look kind of flat." And somewhat hopefully I said "really? does my tummy look flat?!" And she said "no mama, I said fat not flat. Fat! You look kind of fat with no clothes on!" Great. As if I wasn't already having self esteem issues what with the swimsuit trying on, massive blue vein and poor lighting and all. So then I put my clothes back on in shame and hurried out to purchase two swimsuit tops I'm not even sure I liked.
I still took little miss to get her cookie afterward because I don't think she was being intentionally malevolent. And she made it all up to me on the ride home by singing "Old McDonald had to fart" at the top of her lungs. I was just sad that the lady in the adjacent dressing room in Dillard's wasn't there to hear it.