I've been fighting a stomach ache all day. So I'm not at my best. So this morning when both children were fighting over a car I sent them both to their rooms to cool down. Only they didn't go. Neither one of them. They just sat there looking at me. So I counted to three. Everyone knows what happens when you reach three. Spanking time.
I reached three. Then I told them to get ready for their spanking. Emma took hers like a man and then said "yes ma'am!" when I sent her to her room. Jake ran to his room and made me follow after him. I gave him one swat and he chose to yell at me and call me stupid. Stupid. It hurt. We do not call people stupid over here. So then we had to have a lengthy discussion about how it is not okay to call me stupid when he is feeling angry. And all the while I hear Emma Mae in the background going "mama! I not crying! I being a good girl."
Then lunchtime came. This is our actual conversation about lunch. This is riveting storytelling I know.
Me: Emma, do you want peanut butter or tunafish for lunch?
Emma: Uh, macaroni and cheese!
Me: I don't have macaroni. Do you want a peanut butter sandwich or a tuna sandwich?
Me: I don't have pizza. Peanut butter and jelly or tuna?
Emma: Peanut butter and chocolate! (nutella)
Me: We don't have chocolate. Peanut butter and jelly or tuna?
Then I had to stop and count to ten. Then I proceeded to make them each a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then I called them over to eat it. Emma got there first.
Emma: Is this peanut butter and chocolate?
Me: No, we don't have chocolate, it's peanut butter and jelly.
Emma: I don't like this jelly.
Deep breath. Count to ten again. Call Jake over to eat. He had been sitting ten feet away for the entire lunch dialogue that Em and I had just had.
Jake: Is this peanut butter and chocolate?
Me: Long sigh...No, it's peanut butter and jelly. We don't have any chocolate.
Jake: I don't like this jelly.
Seriously? I don't like walking around all morning feeling like I'm going to pass out or throw up. And I also don't like being called stupid. But if somebody would just make me a sandwich right now you can bet I would sit right down and eat it gratefully.