Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Memories of Singledom

When I was single with no children, I remember thinking that couples were really obnoxious. Especially couples with young children. Or even just moms on outings with their young children. Completely rude and obnoxious. I realize that part of those feelings stemmed from just being really upset that for 35 years I wandered through the desert of "trying to find a good man" before I was delivered to the promised land. But, you know, part of those feelings were quite true.

For instance, when a single person is walking through the mall or down the street or something and happens to be walking towards a couple, a game of death throat chicken usually ensues. And let me tell you, the single person almost always loses. A couple will stick together and keep walking in a straight line to where they need to be without giving a second thought to the single person they are about to trample over. So, unless you're a really hard core single, you are going to move out of their way. Because really, they are too busy looking into each other's eyes to keep an eye out for you. God love 'em. This will end after a few years of marriage.

As for mom's with strollers, don't even try to play chicken with these ladies. They will mow you down in a mall with that stroller even if you are the only other person there. I used to think it was because they somehow felt entitled to the right of way because they just knew they were superior to me. After all, they had found a man and had a baby. Genetically, they had the advantage. Clearly, I was on the road to extinction. But I'm here to tell all you singles out there that really it is just because we are so tired. And somewhere in that stroller or cart there might be a baby type person who has just spit up all over himself and his mother, maybe she has it dripping down the leg of her pants, and that baby person also has a funny smell coming from his bottom. Maybe that mom knows she has exactly thirty seconds to get that child cleaned up before he starts screaming to rival a pack of wild dogs. Plus, some of us are short and can't really see over the stroller or especially the grocery cart. We do not think we are better than you and deserve the right of way. Truthfully, we are just in another world trying to remember why we came to the store and where we might have parked the car. We probably gravitate toward you because we are remembering a certain freedom that used to be but now is gone. In you, we see our younger care-free selves and we just need to get a closer look. We're sorry if we run you down in the process. So, if you're ever feeling this way, please don't waste your energy hating or despising us. Just know that your day will come. Until then, in the words of Paul McCartney and John Lennon, just Let it Be.


  1. Hee Hee!
    Did something happen today????
    May I add:
    some strollers are also just extremely hard to turn and push, thus we are very excited when we get the darn thing rolling in the right direction and shudder at the thought of trying to turn!

  2. 'atta going Jake. Make your mama pay for her raising. Love, MeMaw