Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Things no one tells you about pregnancy

I've been up since 5:30am trying to get my nose to stop bleeding. This is one of the little known "side effects" of being with child. Did you know it's possible to go through an entire roll of toilet paper in fifteen minutes while trying to stop a nose bleed? Maybe I was getting delirious from losing so much blood, but at one point I started thinking the white toilet paper with bright red stains on it would make a lovely garland for our Christmas tree this year. I had never experienced a nose bleed until I got pregnant with Jake. This is the first I've had with Emma and I think I might have to go in for a blood transfusion later. Let me just go ahead and advise you to go straight for the ice pack instead of just applying direct pressure if this happens to you.

Let's talk about leg cramps. I'm not saying I condone torture for terrorists or anything, but I am saying that if there was a way to impose the leg cramps of a pregnant woman on bad guys, even Osama Bin Laden would crack. These cramps hit in the middle of the night when I'm rolling over trying to get comfortable and they make me scream. And they make me cuss. And they make me cry a little. They shoot up from the foot, wrap around to the back of the calf and camp out there for as long as possible. The only way to get rid of them is to reach down, grab your foot, and straighten your leg out which is torture in and of itself. The experts say to eat bananas to lessen your chances of having leg cramps and my mama says to sleep with a bar of Dove soap under your sheets.

Pregnancy glow? Yeah, that's just sweat. You will sweat more during pregnancy than if you went to a spa and got wrapped up in Saran Wrap to lose a little water weight.

There is something called a mucus plug.

I knew there would be back pain, but I didn't know there would be constant tailbone pain. It feels like my tailbone is trying to escape from my body. So pretty much sitting, standing, and lying down are all uncomfortable.

Just go ahead and embrace your gas.

Constipation? Check.

Your feet will swell to monumental proportions. By the time I had Jake, I could no longer fit into any of my regular shoes. I opted instead for some stylish fleece lined slippers to get me through the last month.

Lastly, I'm going to share with you the one thing NO ONE will tell you about being pregnant. Not all women enjoy it. And that doesn't mean you're going to be a bad mama. The one thing I do enjoy about it is feeling that little baby roll around in my belly. Last night I looked down and my stomach was jiggling around so much it looked like a bowl of jello. Which makes my trip to the ER for some extra blood later this morning totally worth it.

6 comments:

  1. Oh sweet Kim, I'm feeling your pain. I think I told you about my vomiting fit, accompanied by the reminder of my weakened pelvice floor, followed by the nose bleed. And this was at about 9 weeks. I also don't love being pregnant. I would rather deliver a baby 10-12 times than be pregnant. I do love being a mommy though.

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  2. Yeah, I always wonder about those women that say they LIKE being pregnant. I found it rather like torture myself

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  3. Honey, that's Ivory soap instead of Dove. It's cheap & even Dr. Gott recommends it. I thought your nosebleeds with Jake was because of Wyomning, but maybe not. Higher altitudes always made me have nosebleed. I hope you are feeling better. How is Little 'No-WAY' making it today. Love, Mom

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  4. See....this is just another reason why I never went that route. But you are a much stronger woman than me!

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  5. such an appropriate list! i think my leg cramps are significantly worse this go 'round; ugh!! i'm sorry to hear about the nose bleed. i didn't know that as possible! :(

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  6. I KNOW THE CURE FOR LEG CRAMPS!!!
    I tried potassium (bananas and potatoes)and the bar of soap under the covers, but nothing worked until I tried epson salts. The magnesium in epson salts is a mild muscle relaxant. If you throw a cup or two in your bath water and soak before bedtime, your body absorbs a small amount through the skin...right into the muscles that are cramping. You should get quick relief, but if it isn't enough, you can soak in another tub of bathwater and epson salts in the mornings, too...and you can't overdose.

    I don't have any hints for the nosebleeds...sorry...keep the tissue handy.

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