The day Charlie Sheen messed with my life

Ya'll. I don't quite know how to tell you this. I really don't even know where to begin because I just can't believe it myself. Actually, I can totally believe it because this is the story of my life. I am so disappointed right now. Mr. Springfield has cancelled his book signing event for Austin. No autograph. No photo op. Take a moment of silence to compose yourselves.

Are you done? So I got a message from Amy today telling me to call her back right away. I knew she was going to tell me something about Rick but I truly thought it was going to be something good. Like, we were going to get to have cheese and crackers and a glass of wine with him before the book signing or something. (Amy has connections.)

Alas, she called to tell me that he had cancelled the whole shin-dig. After I picked my jaw up off the ground and jump started my heart again I asked her the only question that mattered. Why? It was so reminiscent of getting dumped by so many ex-boyfriends out of the blue. All you really want to know is why? Usually, okay always, they don't give you an answer. They just look at you and say "it's not you, it's me, okay?"

Well, it seems that Rick didn't cancel because of me. Rumor has it (and this is not confirmed, just something Amy's connection told her) that he cancelled on account of freakin' Charlie Sheen. Can you believe it? Rick's "people" said something to the effect that he is being considered to fill Charlie's now empty spot on Two and a Half Men. Okay. I love Rick, but unless he's going to fill the spot by playing the men's dad then I don't see how this is going to work.

Dear Charlie Sheen,

Thank you so much for ruining my life long dream of meeting Rick Springfield. I am trying to be a loving, forgiving person but you are making it almost impossible for me. I see you on your balcony, waving your machete around and I want to puke. You should be at the studio playing nicely with others to produce some quality television programming instead of drinking tiger blood and playing with your goddesses. Thanks to you one of the four or five things in my "bucket list" just got dropped back down to the bottom of the bucket where it will forever remain doomed to live in silence in the darkness. Definitely not "winning." At first, I felt sorry for you and just wanted you to get some help. Now, I'm a little ticked off that your brand of crazy is rubbing off on my life.

Angry in Austin, LM

So, I will press on with life for the sake of my hubby and children. But this has been a blow my friends. A real big blow. I guess I can cancel the hair cut, eyebrow wax, and mani/pedi I had scheduled for next week. Oh, and I was going to post pictures of me in different outfits so you could all tell me what to wear to meet Rick. See? Now, Charlie Sheen has ruined some of your fun too. Oh, I kid. but not really. I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

Binky Me

Ya'll. Emma is going to be two years old in four days and she still has a binky. Mike has been after me to get rid of these things for months now. I keep putting it off saying we'll do it before she turns two. So, we don't have much time left. I am totally dreading this.

We got Jake off the binky relatively easy. I actually think it was an act of God. Literally. We were on our way to church one morning and couldn't find a single one of his five or six binkys anywhere. After doing a frantic search of the house we decided to just go cold turkey and see how he did. So, he made it through church without it. Then he made it through naptime. Then he made it through the rest of the day. I remember he cried some the first few nights without one, but he got over it pretty easily.

I fear Emma is not going to be that easy. She didn't really need it that badly as an infant. But the older she has gotten the more attached she is to her binky. Much like her two blankies, her binky is almost a part of her. Also, I'm pretty sure she's getting a new tooth so now is not an optimal time to take the binky away. In other words, she is a cranky pants right now.

BUT, I know I hate seeing kids that are too big for a pacifier still sucking on one. I don't want Emma to be that kid. Also, I hate doing the binky search every time we leave the house. So they have got to go. I've thought about cutting the tips off so they don't have any suction. I've read that works pretty well and helps them want to get rid of the things. I also read somewhere that one mom gave all of her daughter's binkys to the "binky fairy."

Since Emma loves her some fairies I've opted for this approach. I started telling her a few days ago that when she turns two she will be a big girl and big girls don't need binkies. I also told her that there is a binky fairy we can give them to and the fairy will then give her binkys to little babies in need of one. Is this wrong of me? I am blatantly lying to this child. But she seems to be buying it. She'll point to a binky and say "fairy!." And then she'll follow that up with "baby!" So, I think she might be getting the concept.

Does anyone out there have any other ideas? And by the way, telling me that I should never have given her a binky is not helpful. Thank you.

Who's Counting Calories?

Ya'll. Yum. Seriously.

Here's the link to the recipe on the Vanilla Sugar blog. Make them.

Things I'm pondering

1.) Why can't anyone in this house put things back where they belong? I have given multiple tutorials all in vain. I have put labels with pictures and everything on toy baskets to no avail. I have threatened to have an aneurysm if people don't take responsibility. Still, no luck. It's like they want my head to explode.

2.) My conversations with my son lately have been slightly reminiscent of one of Charlie Sheen's latest rants. Yesterday, he (Jake) told me that God didn't make crazy town. Okayyy. Later, as I was swinging him out in the backyard he told me that he was pretending to be a stealer. I said okay, what does that mean? And he said he was a stealer just like a bad guy. So I said I thought traitors were bad guys and he said they were but stealers were even worse. Today as he was running (surprise!) through the house he tripped over a toy and spilled the basket of toys he was running with. I told him he needed to pick up the spilled toys and he looked at me and said "I'm longer than a pencil." I said "did you just tell me that you are longer than a pencil?" He said yes. He then rolled around on the floor moaning for a couple of minutes saying that picking up his toys was too hard for him. It seriously took him ten minutes to pick up a handful of toys. And that was with me telling him okay, pick up the book, now pick up the ball. Ridiculous. He did try to go all Tom Sawyer on us and get Emma to do the work for him. Luckily, Emma is much stronger minded than Huckleberry Finn was and she just looked at him and said "NO!" He has also started calling Mike a big old warlock. And we all know that I am now referred to as "your Majesty" or "young lady". I'm just waiting to hear him say that he has tiger blood and Adonis DNA. In which case we will be heading straight to therapy.

3.) I'm totally addicted to The Bachelor and cannot stop watching this train wreck. I won't tell you who I heard "wins" but I will tell you that I am a big fan of Emily and I think she is as cute as a little bug. I also think Bachelor Brad is cute as a bug but I'm seriously concerned for him. He just seems so stressed out all the time. Love is supposed to be fun, right? At least until you get married. KIDDING! Honey, I'm kidding!

4.) Also totally addicted to Survivor. Thrilled that Russel got voted out although I think it was completely insane to throw that challenge. I'm wondering how I would fare on that show. I think I might be able to make it to the final three just because nobody would even notice that I was there until the very end. I would just slip into the finals and the other contestants would be all "who IS she?"

5.) In just 18 short days I will be meeting Mr. Rick Springfield. As Amy keeps reminding me this is the fulfillment of a life long dream. I'm trying really hard not to think about it because if I start thinking about it I will be consumed by those thoughts. I CAN'T STAND IT!!!! I know this meeting will never live up to the hype in my brain. I'm just trying to be grateful that I will get the chance to say hi to him, have him sign my book and take a picture. Although Amy got some details about this whole thing and apparently Rick will take one picture with each person whose book he signs. That means it better be a good picture because no retakes. Ya'll, I am not photogenic. I always have an eye blinking or some weird smile on my face. I am stressing out about this photo opportunity. I have much grooming to be done before March 23rd.

6.) My little girl will be turning 2 in one week. How did this happen? She has gotten very lean this year. Gone is all the cute baby fat. She is officially a little girl now. And, seriously, how cute is she?

All you need is a friend

Today I took the kids and we headed out to my first MOPS meeting. I seriously don't know why I never did this before. I've had several people tell me I should join a MOPS group but I just never took the time to investigate one. I really enjoyed it! I'm going back even though they only meet four more times this semester and then they take the summer off.

The whole reason I've been contemplating joining a group like this is because I seriously need some more friends. I have plenty of acquaintances but not so many real friends. And I am desperate for one or two more. Although sometimes I think I don't have more because I can barely handle the ones I've got. Life is so hectic and I know I'm not as good a friend as I should be.

Anyway, fast forward to the meeting this morning. The topic of the entire meeting was friendship! And the guest speaker was actually a mama of one of the kids in my first class at Mother's Day Out. Small world. She is so cute and has a new book out right now called "The Christian Mama's Guide to Having a Baby." I wish I had gotten to read it when I was preggo!

One of the best parts of her talk I thought was a comparison she related between the definition of friendship by Webster in 1913 and the definition of friendship now. In 1913 Webster defined a friend as "one who entertains for another such sentiments of esteem, respect, and affection that he seeks his society and welfare." Today a friend is defined as "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard."

I like the old definition much better. It's easy to feel affectionate for someone but far better to seek another person's society (company) and welfare. Sounds an awful lot like the whole love your neighbor as yourself thing to me. To be concerned for someones welfare requires effort and involvement instead of just affectionate feelings.

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box. I just thought the subject matter of this meeting was very timely for me. So, "YAY MOPS!"

All Hail the Queen

Today I learned something new about myself. The smell of three year old pee on a bathroom floor makes me want to vomit. One of our sweet little girls at Mother's Day Out didn't quite make it to the potty on time this morning. Poor thing. She made it into the bathroom but not to the toilet itself. When I went in to check on her there was a puddle deep enough to float a small fish in. She had tried to clean it up herself. So, there was also half a roll of that cheap, non-absorbent toilet paper on the floor. I think that's what did it for me. Picking up that wet mess of paper goo was a bit much for me. So to sum up. Can the smell of pee initiate my gag reflex? Why, yes it can. My sweet co-teacher Jana offered to clean it up for me. But I couldn't let her do it. She's like twelve months pregnant and I just couldn't ask her to get on her hands and knees and smell that smell. Anyway, we made it through the rest of the day with no more bodily fluids readily visible. Or smellable.

I was dreading picking Jake up at his class today because Monday when I picked him up his teachers had that look on their faces. You know that look? The one that says "your child was a mess today. how do we tell you that nicely?" His teachers are so cute. The exact words one of them used was "Jake was on fire today." I thought that was perfect. Apparently, there was some pushing and shoving followed up with a little bit of hitting and personal boundary breaking.

When I questioned Jake about it later he told me that yes, he had done all of those things. I asked him why he did those things. And he said because the boy he did them to was a "bad guy." So then we had an in depth discussion about what makes a bad guy bad. According to Jake, it is the quality of being a traitor. Apparently, bad guys are all traitors and this little boy in his class is one too.

I followed up with a discussion about the importance of being nice to everyone-even traitors. I don't think he bought it. But, I am happy to report that his teachers said he had a very good day today. And Jake told me himself that he managed to keep his hands to himself even in the presence of the bad guy. Score one for successful parenting.

On the other hand, I think Jake gets his facts mixed up a little sometimes. The other day he told me the most amazing story about Abraham Lincoln. It seems that President Lincoln did not live in a log cabin after all. In fact, he lived in a brick house and a big bad wolf came and tried to blow it down.

Also, last week when I handed Jake his cup of milk he looked at me and said "Thank you, your Majesty." I don't know where he's picking up all this stuff! Obviously, if I was any where close to being a queen I wouldn't be cleaning up random pee in a class full of three year olds.

Day in the life

Monday was a holiday from Mother's Day Out. We desperately needed to get out of the house for awhile. My poor children had not been anywhere or done anything fun in days because I was sick. Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine and a feisty cocktail of steroids and antibiotics laced with various allergy medicines I thought I could make it out the door for a short time.

We met some friends in Austin at the Science and Nature Center. It is such a great little place to go and it's completely free. They have various rescued animals to look at, trails, a dinosaur fossil digging sandpit and a creek. So we had three mama's, six noisy boys and Emma. Poor Em. I really need to find her some girlfriends.

Emma loved the animals. She especially liked looking at the coyote and the bobcat. Then she found her love of dinosaur bones. Or maybe it was just a love of putting sand in a bucket. But she could have stayed in the sandpit all day I think. Jake had an unfortunate shoveling accident that ruined dinosaur bones for him forever. They are dead to him.





My brave friend Katha led the boys on a wading expedition in a creek while we were there. I just didn't have the strength for it although I did have to do a little rescuing from the sidelines here and there. I'm glad she took the plunge because this was absolutely Jake's favorite part of the day. He couldn't stop talking about it. He was so soaked that he had to ride home in just his shirt and underwear but isn't that what boyhood is all about? Jumping on wet rocks, falling down and ditching your pants as soon as you possibly can? He was delighted.



And worn out. As soon as we got home he went and laid down. He wouldn't even get up to eat lunch. He just took a three hour nap on the playroom floor in nothing but his shirt, socks and underwear. Now, that's a good day!

Things I heard at home today...

So I am still not feeling well. But after an ordeal at the hospital last night I finally got some decent drugs and am doing better. I'm tired of being sick and am very short on patience with the kiddos right now. However, there have been a few bright moments of the day.

Emma has regaled me with tales of what's going on in her diaper all day long. Seriously. Every time I turn around I hear "mommy, mommy, mommy I poop!" Then I say "you pooped?" and she says "yes!" or she says "no! i pee peed. just pee." I think it might be time to start the good old potty training around here.

Jake came into the playroom at one point and found Emma and I watching Tinkerbell together. He said, "hi guys, is it okay if i can join you?" in his most polite voice which was so pleasant because franky I had not heard his polite voice all morning long.

Later in the afternoon after Jake summoned me to COME WIPE HIS BOTTOM! he looked at me so sweetly and said "why thank you young lady." This cracked me up. He has taken to calling me lady lately but this was the first time he put a "young" in front of it! It also reminded me that I am essentially a lady in waiting around here whose sole purpose in life is to serve these little royal cherubim. I'm just very thankful that my little prince is such a gentleman.

Then, he passed out in the living room on the ottoman.

Glass half full! Glass half full!

I could start off by telling you all that just days after paying a month's income to get our Jeep out of the shop that it broke down again. I could tell you that it happened to Mike while he was at HEB with Emma and they were stranded because I was home sick with a sick Jake and no car seat to come pick them up. I could focus on the part of the story where he called the mechanic and they said they would send someone right over but instead chose to send a tow truck with a non English speaking driver who took the Jeep with him but left my family members out cold in the HEB parking lot. INSTEAD, I'll tell you about the sweet little lady who watched the whole thing unfold and then gave my peeps a ride home. And she wouldn't accept payment or even dinner she just told Mike to pay it forward.

I could tell you that after the Jeep was fixed that night the mechanic told us we could come pick it up and he would leave it out in the parking lot if it was after hours. So then we illegally drove Jake in a car without a carseat to pick up the Jeep which was indeed not in the parking lot. It was indeed locked up in the shop. Which meant that I would not be able to drive myself or my child to the doctor the next day. INSTEAD, I will focus on the fact that the problem with the Jeep was the battery which was under warranty so we didn't have to pay for it. WOO HOO! And after a phone call from Mike the next day someone from the shop drove the Jeep to my home. When I opened the door looking truly horrific from my near death illness he just looked at me and said "Oh, honey, here are your keys." I teared up and said "My car?" He said "yes, here's your car." And then he left me in peace.

I could tell you that for the fourth time this year I visited my doctor feeling like I was near heaven's door, knowing that I had the flu or strep at the very least but most likley the bubonic plague only to have her tell me that my allergies were "acting up again." These allergies are tougher to discipline than my children. I could tell you that she prescribed no less than eight medications to be taken daily until I get better and when I went to the pharmacy to get two of them filled they didn't have either one in stock so I had to wait a day. INSTEAD, I'll tell you that when my doctor found out about one that wasn't going to be available for three more days she called me and told me to come to her office to get some free samples. My lungs feel better already.

I could focus on the negative. But let's talk about the rest of the positive. Last night we got our income tax refund info back and it looks like we'll be getting back enough to cover the cost of all of these car repairs. YIPEE! Sure, I would rather have used that money for a vacation or a new car fund or some clothes but I'm trying to be postive. Work with me.

And lastly, can I tell you how adorable my family is? On Valentines Day Mike and Jake hid approximately 30 little Valentines all over the house for me. I've only found half of them so far. Jake was so excited to show me where some of them were that he forgot he was sick for a few minutes and just walked me around the house pointing things out. Then he told me multiple times that he got me those Valentine's because he loves me so so much. Sigh. Many hugs followed. Melt.

And little Em. She is talking up a storm and when I'm healthy it is so dang cute. My favorite is when she goes through a list of all of her "bee-boos" every night and wants me to kiss them. She spends all day long bringing me things and asking me "what's that mommy?" Then she says "OH!" and repeats it back to me. She has the cutest little voice. Her teacher says she sounds like Mickey Mouse. Ha!

So happy to report that amidst all the bad and the ugly there is lots of good thrown in to keep me sane. That is all.

Things are looking up!

I realize I'm more of a glass half empty girl. I try really hard to be positive and think only good thoughts. But then life throws a curve ball and I go into a tailspin. I can go from the glass is half full to the glass is half empty to there is a hole in my glass and everything is dribbling out to I can't even find my glass who took my glass? to my glass is shattered all over the floor and I'll never get another glass all in the span of about two minutes.

So yesterday I was pretty bummed about our car and the fact that I won't be able to spend money on anything fun for at least a year. But then, THEN, I woke up this morning and read a comment that was left on my blog post from yesterday.

Some sweet soul named Debbie informed me that Rick Springfield is going to be in Austin the night before his concert at the rodeo. AND he will be at Barnes and Nobles for a book signing. SWEET!

I immediately called Amy and left her a voicemail. I was so excited! When we finally talked later she realized that she knows the music manager of that particular location. So she's going to see if he can hook us up and make sure we get in to see Rick. Do you realize what this means? It means that finally after 30 years my life long dream has a chance of coming to fruition. I can actually take my Rick Springfield autobiography to the book store and meet him in person! And get him to sign my book! And say hello to him! And maybe get my picture taken with him!!! Maybe things are beginning to go my way after all.

And also we got our Jeep back tonight. Finally, I am free to leave the house again. More good fortune!

Of course, the car cost a small fortune to get fixed. And I'm already worried that Rick might cancel the book signing at the last minute. See? Glass half empty. What is wrong with me?

If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all...

About two weeks ago Amy informed me that Rick Springfield will be in Austin in March performing at the rodeo. So naturally I got all excited and started saving money for a ticket. But I never did buy one. Then Amy and I started discussing the concert and although we were both excited about the prospect of seeing him neither one of us was dying to go because we just saw him a couple months ago. I KNOW. I can't even believe it either. We decided to think about it for a couple more days before we purchased tickets.

That was Sunday. Monday on my way home from work our JEEP which was already having some problems decided to lose its power steering almost completely. Mike took it to the shop Monday afternoon and they said they could have it ready by Tuesday evening. Just in time for us to pick it up so I could have it for work today. Tuesday evening rolled around and they finally called us to say that they ordered the wrong part so it wasn't going to be fixed until today. Yeah. We still don't have our car. The part got held up in Dallas due to the bad weather. Seriously.
I had to call my boss last night and tell her I couldn't come to work today because I didn't have transportation. At first she told me that she needed me to come in anyway. I had horrible visions of walking my children for an hour through freezing rain to get to work because they couldn't find me a sub. I think we all know that wasn't going to happen. Luckily, she found someone at 9:30 last night to come in for me.

That's the good news. The bad news is that we've had to shell out so much money for this car in the last five weeks that I think my Rick Springfield concert ticket issue has been decided for me. In fact I think any money related issue that doesn't involve gas, groceries or utilities has been decided for me for the rest of the year. Too bad I didn't buy the $500 autographed guitar they were selling at the last Rick concert we went to. I could probably sell it on EBay right now and pay off the JEEP. Although I think we all know that would never happen either.

I think we have crossed a little dotted line...

Do you remember the moment as a mommy when you realized you would never have privacy again? I think for me it happened as soon as Jake learned how to crawl. He was always very fast. He followed me everywhere and still does to this day. In fact, what used to be Emma's naptime and his "rest" time in the playroom has turned into Jake being in whatever room I'm in "quietly" playing with his toys or just sitting beside me on the couch reading books. It's sweet but still I crave some alone time. Try explaining that to a four year old. He just looks at me and says "but mama I just want to be with you." And then I melt. And he gets to stay.

I know this won't last forever. I know I should just count my blessings that I finally have these wonderful children. And I do! Still, it is hard for someone who is naturally introverted and self reflective (is that a word?) to have someone around ALL the time. My thoughts need time with my brain.

So anyway, I can't remember the last time I got to have any sort of privacy in the bathroom when the kids were awake. During my showers, Emma is usually in there climbing in and out of the bathtub, getting into all of my bubblebaths and trying to climb onto our window seat above the tub. So there I am washing my hair yelling at her to get down already. And since there is a glass partition between us she feels free to look at me and say "NO."

Then Jake usually comes barreling in. Jake is a force of nature to be reckoned with. Generally, he runs in, leaps into the tub, jumps up and down, does something to make Emma cry and then jumps out of the tub. You see why I want him to wear his bicycle helmet all the time? He is a daredevil. During that part of my shower I usually choose to close my eyes and pray that everything will be okay.

But a couple weeks ago we had an incident that made me feel like a line had been crossed. And it has happened a few times since then. My sweet girl follows me into the bathroom for all occasions. I'll try not to be too graphic here. BUT, I was sitting on the potty. We were having our normal conversation about what I was doing in there and she was telling me all about the toilet paper. Next thing I know she was wiping my bottom with some TP she picked up. It all happened so fast I didn't know what to think! I was all "uh, thanks Em!" She said "you're welcome" and went on her way. Now I know it's not really a big deal. (It's not, is it??) I know she's just curious about the potty and maybe this is a step in the right direction letting me know she's ready for some potty training. But there are just some things I need to do for myself, by myself, and with myself only.

Am I alone out here? Does anyone with little ones feel like you just need a moment? To yourself? In a closet maybe? With some wine? And some toilet paper? Just asking.

Homework already??

Last Wednesday when I picked Jake up from Mother's Day Out he had some special things in his bucket for the day. Along with the usual artwork they send home there was a big roll of red butcher paper, some stickers and some lace heart doilies. As we were leaving the room his sweet teachers informed me that we were to take these objects, go home, find an empty box and decorate it for their class Valentine's Day party.


Okay. I have to admit my first reaction was not so nice. I was thinking that for goodness sakes they are only four years old and we don't need any homework yet! His teachers are so darn sweet though that you can't be really mad at them. So we hauled everything home and I made note of the due date for the project. It was Wednesday the 9th. So, naturally I thought okay we'll do this on the night of the 8th right before Jake goes to bed. Because that's how we roll.

However, we've had some bad weather around here. The kind of weather that doesn't permit going outside or leaving the house. So yesterday, I found myself needing to find something for Jake to do. Voila! I pulled out the Valentine's project. He really wanted to cut the paper. With scissors. I let him cut a practice piece while I wrapped the box. Then he did everything else. I have to say I was quite impressed at my boy's ability to handle the Elmer's glue. His Aunt Cheryl will be so proud. He glued hearts and stuck stickers on to his little heart's content.


Yes, he's wearing his new Lightning McQueen bicycle helmet. Mike bought it for him on Thursday and he's had it on ever since. Yes, I know that he's had the bike since Christmas. We've been busy. He even wore that helmet to PetSmart and the toy store today. I don't care. He's accident prone so I think it's a good choice. On a side note, has anyone out there ever used propecia for women? You know, the drug that is supposed to help you grow hair? Because I am clearly thinning in the temple region and it is bothering me. I blame all the years of ponytail and dog ear wearing. And still, I can't wait to do the same thing to my own daughter.

Anyway, let's get back on task. This is what he ended up with. I think it's fabulous.